


We Need To Talk About Jaemin

by monsterhigh



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Animal Death, Football | Soccer Player Lee Jeno, Growing Up Together, M/M, Slow Burn, child prodigy jaemin, jaemin is weird, jeno is the goodest boy, nomin are best friends, tags will be updated as the fic progresses, the slowest burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-14
Updated: 2019-07-14
Packaged: 2020-06-28 08:06:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19808170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monsterhigh/pseuds/monsterhigh
Summary: Jeno gasps excitedly. "Oh, I love teddy bears!"Jaemin doesn't reply. He hurries back to Jeno, teddy bear in hand and bow strapped to his back. "His name is Nana," Jaemin says. Jeno holds out his hands, cooing.But Jaemin doesn’t place Nana in Jeno’s open palms—he reaches up and sets it on top of Jeno’s head. “Don’t move.” Jaemin orders.Or, the one where Jeno and Jaemin grow up together.





	We Need To Talk About Jaemin

**Author's Note:**

> this fic will depict animal death and, at times, graphic violence so please please PLEASE turn away if that isn’t your thing.

Jeno meets Jaemin when he's 6.

There isn't much anticipation leading up to the encounter. Jeno's mom tells him they're visiting her friend, who had just moved into their small town and needed a bit of welcoming. Jeno is fine with doing whatever his mom tells him because she's his favorite person in the entire world, so they take a drive to a pretty yellow house a few streets down.

The woman who answers the door reminds Jeno of his nice teacher, Miss Choi. She has shorter hair, however, and crow's feet by her eyes that crinkle when she lets them in with a smile.

"This is Mrs. Na," his mom says.

"Hi, Mrs. Na."

Mrs. Na looks endeared. "You're very polite!"

"Jeno," his mom tuts sternly. "What do we do with our shoes inside the house?"

Jeno looks down at his light-up sneakers, and then at his mom's socked feet. It'd taken many, many lectures for him to finally understand why it was necessary to neatly put away his shoes lest he track dirt on the carpet. His mom didn't like dirt. He glances up at Mrs. Na. She probably didn't like dirt either—adults were strange like that.

"Sorry," he mumbles, crouching down to release the velcro.

His mom's friend laughs good-naturedly. "Oh, Sooyeon, he's adorable. It's fine." She crouches down to Jeno's eye-level, "How old are you, Jeno?"

"I'm 6 years old." he says, showing her how much that is on his fingers in case she doesn't know.

"Oh my!" she gasps. Jeno's pleased with the reaction. Being six is hard. "Jaemin happens to be turning 6 very, very soon."

"Jaemin?"

"My son," Mrs. Na smiles, "He's in the living room. Do you want to meet him?"

Jeno has enough friends at school, but he nods anyway. Mrs. Na leads the two deeper into the house, chatting with his mother about boring adult business.

There's a boy in the next room they enter, hunched over the ground with his back facing everyone else. His black hair is brushed so neatly Jeno feels a bit conscious of his own bird's nest, whose tousled look could be blamed on the 4 games of tag he played at recess today.

"Jaemin," Mrs. Na says, "Say hi to our guests."

The boy, Jaemin, stops fiddling with whatever he's doing on the floor and looks up at the visitors. Initially, his gaze turns to Jeno, but he looks away lightning fast.

Jeno stares unabashedly. Jaemin has pretty eyes and lips that seem to be set in a permanent, pleasant smile. His clothing, a sweater and neatly pressed slacks, are a far cry from Jeno’s Digimon t-shirt. An incomplete puzzle lies on the carpet nearby. 

There's not one thing about this boy that looks mean. Jeno decides now that even though he already has a lot of friends at school, one more won’t hurt.

"This is Mrs. Lee,” Mrs. Na says. She places a gentle hand on Jeno’s shoulder. “And this is her son, Jeno."

Jaemin waves at them, smiling so wide Jeno can see his missing bottom tooth. “Hello, my name is Jaemin.”

“You’ve gotten so big!” Jeno’s mother exclaims. “Last I saw you, you were a tiny baby. Now you’re all grown up, aren’t you?”

Jaemin giggles, much to the delight of Jeno’s mother. The women coo for a little bit over the two boys before both heading into the kitchen for a spot of tea. This leaves Jeno alone with Jaemin.

“Hi!” Jeno says. 

Jaemin eyes the kitchen door for a moment before settling calm eyes on Jeno. He doesn’t say anything, nor does he do anything for a good 10 seconds. He just stares.

Jeno doesn’t think too much of it now, but a couple years later, he’ll recount the look in 5 year old Jaemin’s eyes—disdain, clear as day.

Jeno tries again. “Can I play too?”

Jaemin narrows his eyes, turning his back on him.

And Jeno- sweet, naive Jeno- takes this as a yes. He meanders his way towards the boy, kneeling down opposite him. 

“Are you doing a puzzle?” Jeno asks. He’s done puzzles before at school, but they were nothing like this. Jeno can already spot the beginnings of a lion printed on the tiny pieces of Jaemin’s finished work. It looks quite difficult.

Jaemin doesn’t answer him, picking a piece from the floor and scrutinizing it.

“...”

Jeno is six, but patient. After a beat of silence, he sits back to give Jaemin some space. “Are you shy? That’s okay. I know a girl in my class, and she’s really shy, but Miss Choi told us if we gave her some time she wouldn’t be so shy!”

“I’m not shy.” Jaemin all but spits out. 

Jeno’s face falls. 

Looking at him now, the Jaemin in front of Jeno can’t possibly be the same one that greeted his mother. This Jaemin is all sorts of mean in the way he ignores Jeno to place down another miniscule puzzle piece. He sits back on his haunches, examining the photo with calculating eyes. 

It’s like Jeno isn’t even there. Something twists in his stomach.

“I bet you’ve never done a puzzle like this,” Jaemin says, interrupting Jeno’s thoughts. He looks up. “No offense, but you seem kind of dumb.”

“Huh?” Jeno says meekly.

“Didn’t you hear me?” Jaemin sneers. “How old are you?”

“I’m six…”

Jaemin’s expression sours at the fact that Jeno has him beat at something, the frown looking petulant on his pudgy baby face. “I don’t want to talk to you anymore, so go away.”

At this point, Jeno is close to tears. He sniffles, bringing a hand up to wipe at his eyes before Jaemin can see. This, however, only brings more unwanted attention from Jaemin, who grabs at his wrist.

“Oh, why are you crying! Stop it!”

Jeno stifles a sob, afraid that if he  _ does _ cry Jaemin will be even more awful to him. Jaemin, looking exasperated, crawls across his puzzle and brings Jeno into an unexpected hug.

“Stop crying,” Jaemin says from above him, “I can’t stand crybabies.”

“Y-you’re being m-mean!” Jeno cries into Jaemin’s sweater, snot getting onto the soft fabric. 

Jaemin doesn’t answer. He continues holding Jeno like that until the tell-tale sobs wracking his small frame subside, and then he finally peels himself off of the other. He looks more annoyed than anything as he watches Jeno wipe at his face.

“My mom s-says you shouldn’t be mean, ‘cause nobody will wanna be y-your friend.” 

Jaemin frowns. “I don’t want friends.”

“So you don’t want to be m-my friend?” 

“No.”

Jeno starts to cry again. Jaemin groans, bringing him into another hug that feels more like he’s trying to suffocate him than anything, “Fine, I’ll be your friend!”

“You’re lying!” Jeno wails.

Jaemin is quiet for a moment as he waits for Jeno to calm down. “I don’t want a dumb crybaby friend. If you keep crying, I won’t be your friend.”

This is enough to finally stop Jeno’s tears. “Friends are nice to each other,” he says, face smushed into Jaemin’s chest, “So you have to be nice to me.”

“Fine.”

“And you have to let me play puzzles with you.”

Jaemin hesitates at this. “Fine.”

“Okay,” Jeno sniffles, removing himself from Jaemin’s grasp. He wipes at his red nose. “We’re friends now.”

Jaemin doesn’t look too happy at this, but at least he doesn’t say anything mean again for the rest of the time Jeno spends at Mrs. Na’s house.

  
  
  
  
  
  


The following week blows through and Jeno nearly forgets about Jaemin. Apparently, Jaemin is in a different grade at a totally different school, so it wasn’t like there was any chance they’d see each other again. A part of Jeno is crestfallen. He had wanted to help Jaemin finish the lion puzzle.

When his mom pulls up to a familiar yellow house one day after school, Jeno gasps in excitement. 

“Mommy has to work a little more than usual, so you’ll be coming here after school from now on, okay?” she says, cupping his face fondly. “I’ll pick you up at 6.”

Jeno nods, too happy to process the fact that his mom would be leaving him here. He bounds onto the porch and tries his very best not to stomp around.

His mom lets him ring the doorbell by himself. After a brief wait, the door swings open to reveal someone who doesn’t look like Mrs. Na—it’s a boy, much older than Jeno. His blonde hair flops on his forehead as he bows politely.

“Hi, Mrs. Lee.” The stranger lights up at the sight of Jeno peeking through his mom’s pants. “You must be Jeno!”

Jeno mumbles a greeting.

“Hello, Jungwoo,” his mom says. “Are you doing well?”

Jungwoo smiles prettily. “The entrance exam is kicking my butt, but I’m doing fine. Do you want to come inside?”

Jeno’s mom shakes her head. “I’m afraid not, dear. I’ll have to get back to the office soon. I’m just here to drop Jeno off.”

“Oh, alright! Come on in, Jeno,” Jungwoo says. He opens the door wider, gesturing for Jeno to enter. The smile on his face doesn’t falter when Jeno stays rooted on the porch.

“Jeno,” his mom sighs. “It’s okay. Jungwoo is your new babysitter, but I’ll be back to pick you up soon.”

Jeno doesn’t move, gripping the fabric of his mom’s pants even tighter.

“Do you like baby carrots?” Jungwoo asks, his voice gentle. “Jaemin’s in the kitchen eating his after school snack.”

Jeno hates baby carrots, but he immediately brightens at the mention of Jaemin. He quickly hugs his mom goodbye and follows Jungwoo into the Na house, this time remembering to toe off his shoes before stepping past the foyer.

“Jaemin!” Jeno exclaims when they step foot into the kitchen. Said boy looks up from the table, eyes widening in brief surprise, and then recognition. 

Today, Jaemin is wearing a maroon blazer, plaid shorts, and white knee-high socks. Jeno vaguely recognizes it as the uniform from the private school down the street. 

Jaemin sets the carrot stick he’d been holding back into his tupperware. “Jeno.”

Jeno ignores Jungwoo, clambering onto a rather tall dining table chair with some effort. He smiles brightly at Jaemin. “Do you wanna keep working on your puzzle?”

“Oh,” Jaemin says. He glances at Jungwoo briefly before turning his attention back to Jeno. “I finished that one a couple days ago.”

“You did?” 

“Jaeminnie has a lot of puzzles,” Jungwoo says quickly, picking up on the way Jeno’s voice wavers, “You two can work on something else!”

Jaemin nods, smiling. “Okay. I think he’ll like the one with flowers.”

“I’ll go get it,” Jungwoo says, leaving the kitchen.

Jaemin’s smile drops as soon as the door closes behind the older boy.

“I don’t wanna do puzzles today,” he tells Jeno. Jeno swallows, not sure what to say. Why did he let Jungwoo get the puzzle then?

“Do you, um, like freeze tag?”

Jaemin frowns. “Not really.”

“Oh.”

The sound of the carrot snapping between Jaemin’s teeth fills the empty silence between them. Chewing carefully and swallowing, Jaemin says, “Do you wanna see my birthday gift?”

“It’s your birthday?!” Jeno gasps. He leans across the table, wide-eyed and sincere. “Happy birthday, Jaemin!”

If Jaemin is touched by Jeno’s spur-of-the-moment birthday wish, he doesn't show it. He does, however, look a bit satisfied at the attention. “It was a lot of days ago. I turned six.”

“Like me.” Jeno beams.

“Yes,” Jaemin says a little less enthusiastically, “Like you.”

It’s at this moment that Jungwoo returns to the kitchen, toting a small, rattling box. He looks a bit flustered. “Jaemin, I checked your puzzles box and I couldn’t find a flower one. Is this mountain puzzle okay?”

Jaemin pouts. “But Jeno really, really likes flowers…” 

Jeno looks between Jaemin and Jungwoo in confusion. He didn’t recall ever speaking to Jaemin about his likes and dislikes—that was a step in their friendship that they hadn't reached yet.

“I’m sorry, Jaemin. The box just wasn’t there.”

“It’s okay,” Jaemin sniffs. He climbs down the dining table chair, making his way around the kitchen. “Me and Jeno are gonna go play in my room.”

Jungwoo sets the puzzle box on the table. “Hold your horses, kiddo! Jeno hasn’t had his snack yet.”

“Oh,” Jaemin says. His expression sours, if only for a fraction of a second. 

“That’s okay, I don’t like carrots,” Jeno chirps, dropping feet-first on the kitchen tile. His backpack drags a little on the chair, but he ignores it to skip to where Jaemin is standing. Jaemin looks pleased at his admission.

“You still need a snack, Jeno.” Jungwoo frowns, looking around the kitchen. His eyes land on a fruit bowl. “Do you like sliced apples?”

Jeno brightens. “I love apples, and oranges, and strawberries, and- and-”

“Sliced apples it is,” Jungwoo smiles. “Why don’t you two go play while I make your food?”

Jeno feels a hand latch onto his wrist, tugging him towards the doorway of the kitchen. “Let’s go,” Jaemin says. They leave Jungwoo to rummage through the cabinets, Jaemin keeping a firm grip on Jeno’s wrist as they teeter up the staircase. 

“My house doesn’t have stairs,” Jeno says, wide-eyed. 

“Well, mine does.” Jaemin says when they reach the top step. He leads Jeno to the white door on the left, pushing it open with his spare hand. “This is my room. Do you like it?”

Jeno peeks inside as far as Jaemin’s grasp on his wrist allows him. The room is pretty, with baby blue walls illuminated by the sunlight streaming in through a big window. Judging by the lack of toys on the ground, Jeno guesses that Jaemin keeps his room very neat. 

A small bed sits against a corner along with a poster of something Jeno doesn’t recognize. All in all, Jaemin’s room is rather sparse compared to Jeno’s chaotic one. There’s not a spot in here that looks out of place; even the contents of Jaemin’s impressively tall bookcase look like they’ve been neatly sorted.

Jeno nods. “I like your room.” At this, Jaemin’s shoulders relax and he finally relinquishes Jeno’s wrist.

“Come here,” Jaemin orders him. He walks to his bed, kneeling down to pull a rather large box out from under it. Jeno wanders closer.

Jaemin undoes the garish bow binding the box closed, setting the lid gently on the ground next to him. Jeno is already excited—the box is almost an arm's length tall, and could probably fit him if he made himself very, very small. Maybe he and Jaemin could play fort later.

He peers inside, only to find mounds of tissue paper.

Jeno frowns. Was that all? Tissue paper was certainly pretty, but not all that impressive.

But Jaemin pulls the tissue paper out as well, placing it down neatly. Jeno waits patiently as he reaches inside the box once again and pulls out a peculiar looking plastic toy.

"It's a bow," Jaemin says. He rummages inside the box again, procuring a set of plastic arrows tipped with suction cups. "And these are arrows."

"What do you do with them?" Jeno asks, confused. He eyes the yellow toy with its bright purple grip and thick string holding it taut. Unlike Jeno and his set of toy trucks, he can’t possibly imagine what to do with whatever it is that Jaemin is holding. He's never seen anything like it before.

Jaemin gets back up to his feet. "My daddy got it for me," he says, holding the bow and arrow set out towards Jeno, "You use it to shoot things. I can hit things that are really, really far away, because I practice a lot."

Jeno knows the word  _ practice _ , because he plays the recorder at school and his teacher tells him that he should practice every day.

(He tries, but sometimes it's boring.)

Jeno prods at an arrow, unsure at the prospect of something that could hurt him. "A-are you gonna shoot me with it?"

"Of course not," Jaemin says.

That's all the reassurance Jeno needs. He brightens. "Okay then! Can you show me how you use it?"

And so Jaemin spends the next few minutes showing him. Jeno  _ oohs _ and  _ aahs _ the entire time, not because he's easily impressed (he was, however, easily impressed) but also because Jaemin really is quite good. He even manages to hit a box sitting on his dresser some distance away with a well-aimed shot. Jeno claps, enthralled.

"Jeno," Jungwoo calls from downstairs, "Come eat."

Jeno clambers off the edge of Jaemin's bed. Jaemin watches him, lowering his bow with a frown.

"Eat fast, okay? And come back here when you're done."

"Uh-huh!" Jeno calls over his shoulder, hurrying down the stairs as fast as he can without hurting himself.

He heeds Jaemin's advice, inhaling the apple slices—peeled, just how he likes them—much to Jungwoo's admonishment.

"Eat slower, Jeno," Jungwoo says, patting him on the head.

"I wanna keep playing with Jaemin!" Jeno whines. He shoves another apple slice in his mouth.

After a few minutes of Jungwoo telling him to  _ slow down, please, Jeno!  _ he finally finishes and launches himself off of the dining room chair. Jungwoo takes his tupperware, laughing at how fast he scrambles up the stairs.

"Jaemin, I'm done!"

Jaemin glances up from his bow. "Good," he says, smiling. It looks different from the bright smile he uses with adults, the peculiar up-quirk of his lips a habit that Jeno has come to associate as something that Jaemin only does around him.

Not around big people like his mom, or even medium people like Jungwoo—Jaemin seems to only act this way when they're alone.

"Stand here," he directs Jeno, taking him by both shoulders and marching him to the empty space facing the window. Jeno is confused, but compliant.

"What are you doing?" he says, cocking his head to the side. Jaemin doesn't like this and readjusts Jeno's head a bit forcefully.

"I'm showing you how good I am at playing bows and arrows, remember? Stay like this."

"Okay..." Jeno frowns, staying stock-still as instructed. Jaemin ducks into his quaint toy chest and presents a small, brown teddy bear. 

Jeno gasps excitedly. "Oh, I love teddy bears!"

Jaemin doesn't reply. He hurries back to Jeno, teddy bear in hand and bow strapped to his back. "His name is Nana," Jaemin says. Jeno holds out his hands, cooing.

But Jaemin doesn’t place Nana in Jeno’s open palms—he reaches up and sets it on top of Jeno’s head. “Don’t move.” Jaemin orders. 

“Huh?” Jeno says, balancing the added weight of the teddy bear on his head. He isn’t sure why he feels so deeply apprehensive until Jaemin backs away slowly, assessing his work.

“Jaemin, what are you…”

“Stay still,” Jaemin says.

When Jaemin begins to string an arrow into his bow, Jeno realizes, finally, what’s about to happen. 

“ _ Nooo, _ you’re going to shoot me!” he cries. He moves to remove Nana from his head, but Jaemin stomps on the carpet unhappily.

“If you move,” Jaemin scolds him, “I won’t be your friend!”

“I don’t wanna be shot,” Jeno whimpers, lowering his hands anyway. 

“I’m not shooting you. I’m shooting Nana.” Jaemin sounds impatient as he watches Jeno’s face crumple.

“ _ Nooo, _ ” Jeno cries. “Don’t shoot Nana, he’ll be hurt too! And- and- and, what if you miss and hit me!”

“Nana has no feelings,” Jaemin says matter-of-factly, lacing the arrow back into his bow despite Jeno’s distress, “Haven’t you ever heard about William Tell?”

“W-who’s Willa Tell?” Jeno asks thickly.

“He shot an apple on someone’s head to prove he was really good at bows and arrows! And I want to prove I’m good too.”

Jeno shuts his eyes, tears prickling. “But you’re going to hurt me!”

“Just trust me!”

Jeno muffles a sob. 

For a moment, perhaps  _ the _ longest moment in Jeno’s 6 years, there’s only silence. He can hear the faucet of the kitchen sink running downstairs, as well as Jungwoo humming a pretty tune. Jeno shudders as he awaits the searing pain of Jaemin’s projectile.  _ One Mississippi. Two Mississippi _ ... 

But it never comes.

In a flash, the weight on his head suddenly disappears, Nana the teddy bear hitting the ground behind him with a thump. Jeno flinches, but opens his eyes.

Jaemin looks proud of himself. He stands tall, grinning so wide his missing tooth is on full display. “I told you I could do it, Jeno. Look!” 

Jeno shakily follows Jaemin’s finger to see poor little Nana on the floor. Next to the bear is a plastic yellow arrow, but Jeno ignores it as he picks the bear up as gingerly as possible.

“You hurt Nana,” Jeno says, voice wobbly. “Why would you do that?”

Jaemin’s smile drops, and he sets his bow on his bed. “Are you crying?”

Jeno doesn't deign him with a response. A lone tear falls down his cheek as he stares at the forlorn bear in his hands, and he hugs the toy to his chest tightly.

“You’re such a crybaby,” Jaemin scoffs as he approaches Jeno. “Stop it. You always cry!”

“Because you’re always doing mean things and I don't like it!” Jeno yells, head whipping up. Jaemin freezes in his tracks. Taking a shuddery breath, Jeno continues, “I don't like mean people! I don't like you!”

An awkward silence descends upon the two, Jeno’s chest heaving as he watches confusion replace the sneer on Jaemin’s face. Jungwoo hasn’t stopped his humming downstairs. 

“I,” Jaemin starts. He fidgets with the edge of his blazer, the fabric wrinkling under his fingers. Eyes flickering from Jeno to Nana, back and forth and back and forth, Jaemin grasps at stilted words. “I-...”

“Go away,” Jeno says wetly, turning around.

He listens for the sound of disappearing footsteps, but Jaemin doesn’t move an inch.

“I don’t want to see you anymore,” Jeno sniffs. “Go!”

“You don’t like me?” Jaemin mumbles, voice uncharacteristically small. It takes all the energy in Jeno to not turn around, but he succeeds, still staring out the window.

“You’re mean to me.”

“But- but you have to like me!” A stomp rattles the room as Jaemin’s voice grows sharper with each word. “You have to like me even when I’m mean! Because you’re my friend!”

“Friends are nice to each other!” Jeno bites back, spinning around with renewed fervor. Surprised, Jaemin steps back.

Jeno grips Nana tighter, continuing, “Haven’t you ever had a friend?!” 

Jaemin is stunned. He looks down, fingers still tight on the bottom of his blazer jacket. 

“I don’t like-,” Jaemin stammers with his chin tucked into his shirt collar. “I don’t like the kids in my class. They’re all bigger than me and I  _ hate _ them.”

Jeno stares at him with his mouth ajar.

“And I don’t care about them either!” Jaemin hisses, “When I make them cry, I don’t care. Because they’re all stupid. I don’t  _ care _ .”

Jeno hugs the stuffed toy closer to himself, feeling as anxious as he did when Jaemin had a bow and arrow in his hands. “You’re scaring me,” he mumbles weakly.

Jaemin stomps, childish and impatient. “Stop it! Stop making me feel bad! I hate it! When  _ you _ cry it makes me feel bad and I don’t like it!”

And then it’s like a dam breaks—tears start to well up in Jaemin’s eyes, much to Jeno’s astoundment. He watches as Jaemin totally crumples in front of him, small fists coming up to rub at his face.

“Jaemin!” Jeno gasps, dashing forward and enveloping Jaemin in a familiar hug. “No, no, don’t cry-”

“You’re my  _ friend, _ ” Jaemin sobs into his shoulder. “You have to like me.”

“I do like you!” Jeno says, starting to cry again. It must be an entertaining sight, two six year old boys holding each other and wailing. 

And that's how Jungwoo finds them, so tired from their crying that they’ve fallen asleep on each other in the middle of Jaemin’s room. He puts them to sleep properly in Jaemin’s bed, placing the small teddy bear that he finds wedged in between their bodies onto the dresser nearby. 

“No worries, Mrs. Na. They’re sleeping,” Jungwoo says into the landline receiver later. He peeks into the room, smiling. “They’re so cute. I found them hugging each other. Must’ve been having too much fun.”

“Uh-huh,” he mumbles, voice getting smaller as he wanders downstairs. “Yes, the carrots. Well, Jeno…”

In the dimness of Jaemin’s bedroom, Jeno sniffles and pulls Jaemin closer. 

  
  
  


* * * * *

  
  
  


Jeno and Jaemin come in a package deal, and anyone in their tiny town will acknowledge this as a fact. Where one goes, the other follows—the park, the ice cream shop, the arcade—anywhere but school, because Jaemin still attends the private academy down the road.

Jeno and Jaemin are 10 years old and inseparable.

Summers in their part of the country mean blistering heat waves for days on end coupled with disgustingly sticky air. Jeno doesn’t mind suffering through the awful weather, because summer also means spending more time with Jaemin.

He licks at his Creamsicle, knees knocking against Jaemin’s as they sit on the curb of Jeno’s front lawn. Jaemin bites into an ice cream sandwich. It’s comfortable. They’re comfortable.

“I’m getting a hamster.” Jeno announces suddenly. He turns to Jaemin, gauging his reaction.

“But you have a cat,” Jaemin reminds him in lieu of the excitement Jeno had been hoping for. Jeno sighs.

“I want a hamster too!”

Jaemin narrows his eyes. “Why?”

“Well,” Jeno says, visibly pleased at the opportunity to explain, “My class last year had a hamster and I liked him a lot. He was so, so cute, Jaemin.”

“Bongshik is cute too.” 

If Jeno didn't know any better, he’d think Jaemin was sulking. He laughs, “You’ve never said  _ that _ before.”

“I know. Bongshik  _ is _ kind of ugly-”

“ _ Jaemin, _ ” Jeno admonishes with a frown, whipping his head to face the other boy, “You take that back.”

Jaemin glares at him. “What? Your cat doesn’t like me. I can say whatever I want.”

Jaemin was right, unfortunately. Bongshik seemed to take a liking to everyone until he met Jaemin, acting hostile whenever the boy came over to Jeno’s (which was often). It made Jeno sad to see that two of his closest friends couldn’t get along, but for the sake of Jaemin, Bongshik had to spend his time outside when Jeno’s human friend was present. 

“Maybe my new hamster will like you more than Bongshik does,” Jeno says hopefully. Jaemin grins and finishes his ice cream in one huge bite.

  
  
  
  
  


Jeno’s mom takes him to the pet store a few days later, but not without a stern lecture on the needs of a pet. His new hamster would be his sole responsibility—unlike Bongshik, who was more of the family’s cat than anything. These were big words for a 10 year old, but Jeno had his heart set.

He picks out a hamster 5 seconds after stepping into the shop. His mom considers asking him to be a bit more choice-y, but Jeno cries when he cradles the tiny animal in his hands and that's that.

“Her name is Seol,” Jeno tells Jaemin in a hushed voice. They’re in Jeno’s room, shoulders pressed together as they sit in front of the brand new hamster cage taking up most of Jeno’s dresser space.

Jeno is so wrapped up in how precious Seol looks sleeping that he doesn’t notice the frown on Jaemin’s face.

“How old is it?”

“2 months old,” Jeno preens, “She’s a baby.”

“I read in a book at the library that hamsters only live for 3 years.”

Jeno feels a pang in his chest. He and Jaemin may be the same age, but Jaemin is a grade level above him—Jeno tended to trust Jaemin in all things factual. Coming from his best friend, however, the truth doesn’t hurt any less.

Jaemin pouts, Jeno’s subsequent silence all too telling. “Don’t be sad, Jeno. I’m just-”

But Jeno cuts him off with a gasp. “She’s waking up!” 

They both watch Seol wiggle to life, eyes opening to reveal two beady black dots. She sits up and eyes her audience curiously.

Jeno is in love.

“Hi, Seol!” he coos, leaning in closer. Seol acknowledges him with a sniff before scampering to another place in her cage. “Oh, Jaemin, isn’t she adorable?”

“Uh-huh.”

Seol is calm today, seemingly tired from her nap. Jeno smiles at her, then at Jaemin, who looks a bit bored. 

“Do you wanna pet her?” Jeno asks. Much to his dismay, Jaemin recoils.

“What if it bites me?”

Jeno puffs out his chest indignantly. “Seol is a good girl! She’s never bit me before. She’s very gentle.”

“You’ve had it for, like,” Jaemin wrinkles his nose. “-a week.”

“That’s a lot of time!” Jeno says, defensive. He unlocks the cage door anyway, watching Seol perk up at the noise.

Jaemin mutters something under his breath, but Jeno is too distracted with coaxing the hamster out to hear. 

“Good girl,” he marvels as she crawls into his open hand. She chitters quietly, but otherwise stays obediently still as he brings her out. 

Seol is so tiny she occupies only the very center of Jeno’s palm. He presses the gentlest kiss to the top of her head, giggling when she squeaks in response. “Look, Jaemin! She’s so sweet.”

Jaemin regards the creature with barely concealed disgust.

“She won’t bite,” Jeno urges. Seol settles into Jeno’s palm, pleased with the attention.

Jaemin hesitates for a few more seconds, but eventually relents at Jeno’s unwavering insistence. “How- how do I pet it?”

“One finger, because she’s just a baby,” Jeno instructs, guiding Jaemin with his free hand. “See? She likes being pet on her back like this.”

Jaemin follows the directions, albeit much more cautiously.

“I think she likes you!”

Jaemin makes a face. “Really?” 

“Wait, can hamsters purr?” Jeno squints at the furry mound in his palm. “Oh, nevermind. She fell asleep again.” 

Jaemin retracts his hand so fast it’s like he’s been burned. “Good! Can we go play outside now? I’m bored.”

Jeno is a little disappointed, but he sets Seol back into her cage as gently as possible. “But I wanted to watch her sleep for a little bit…”

“What’s so fun about that?”

“I don’t know,” Jeno giggles. He carefully latches the cage door closed and steps back, dusting his hands off on his shorts. “I just like watching her do everything. She’s so cute!”

“It’s an animal.” Jaemin says dully. He tugs at Jeno’s shirt. “C’mon! I wanna play cops ‘n robbers again!”

“She’s my  _ friend, _ ” Jeno corrects, moving towards the door. He nearly trips because Jaemin, who hasn’t moved from his spot in front of the cage, still has his shirt in a vice-like grip. Jeno looks over his shoulder questioningly.

Jaemin only smiles. “I wanna be the cops this time, okay?”

“You  _ always _ are…”

  
  
  
  
  


Bongshik has to be the calmest creature Jeno knows. 

Really, though, the better term for him would be  _ lazy _ —the cat opted to spend his days looking for spots of sunlight he could lay in, or when he was tired of that, meowing incessantly for attention.

(More often than not, it was Jeno who became the willing victim in the cat’s quest for backrubs.)

Jeno’s been around Bongshik ever since he was 3 and allergic, so he can proudly say he knows the cat like the back of his hand. He also knows for a fact, unfortunately, that Bongshik dislikes one singular person on the entire planet.

When Bongshik starts yowling up a storm at the sight of a dripping Jaemin in the foyer, Jeno can't even bring himself to feel surprised.

“Bongshik, hush!”

The cat looks up at Jeno, clearly betrayed at being scolded. Jeno sighs and scoops him up in his wet arms.

“I'd put him outside, but my mommy said the sidewalk’s too hot for cat paws today.” 

Jaemin shrugs, looking small in his orange swim trunks. “It’s okay. I just need to take a shower.”

“I don't get why we never just shower at the swimming pool,” Jeno remarks, “They’re there for a reason.”

Jaemin looks exasperated at having to explain this again. “Jeno, it's dirty there. Besides, your house is super close by.”

He turns and treads to the bathroom, leaving wet footprints in the carpet.

Summer was quickly coming to an end. With their days of fun winding down, Jeno and Jaemin tried to make the most of their time by spending time at places like the local swimming pool.

Spending time with Jaemin was nothing new. For Jeno, though, their adventures this time around felt different for one main reason: Jaemin would be starting middle school soon after.

Jeno worried for him. After all, middle school was for  _ big  _ kids like his older sister; even though his best friend could hold his own, Jaemin was essentially easy pickings. The last thing he wanted was for Jaemin to get hurt.

Jeno waits for the bathroom door to click shut before setting Bongshik down.

“Why can’t you two get along?” he frowns down at the cat. “Seol likes Jaemin just fine.” 

Bongshik stares at him vacantly, and then wanders off to wherever. 

Jeno huffs. A lost cause.

With his mom and his sister at the mall, Jeno and Jaemin now had the house all to themselves. He wraps himself in a towel he pulls out of a cabinet, grabbing a second one as well. Along with a spare change of clothes, he leaves the heap outside the bathroom for Jaemin.

Jeno's in the middle of changing Seol’s water feeder when Jaemin plods back into his bedroom. The boy looks significantly fuzzier in Jeno’s Power Rangers shirt.

“Go shower,” Jaemin tells him. 

Jeno closes the cage and hurries out.

Showering is a boring affair, but Jeno is glad to be out of his cold swim trunks. He takes a wad of toilet paper to the mirror once he’s done to wipe down the fogginess, spending a better part of his time making faces at himself. Jeno is quite entertained until he remembers Bloody Mary exists, so he hastily puts on his dry clothes and heads out to the living room.

“Hello,” he greets Jaemin with a big grin. He collapses onto the couch next to him.

“Hi,” Jaemin says, leaning into Jeno’s shoulder with a yawn. “Swimming makes me tired.”

Jeno sighs. “Swimming makes me hungry. I want a hot dog.”

“Ew!” Jaemin laughs and shoves at Jeno. “Hot dogs are yucky.”

Jeno pushes him back, and soon they’re a giggly mess. 

“You’re acting funny,” he tells Jaemin in between breaths, “All happy ‘n stuff.”

“I'm just happy!” Jaemin says. He tickles Jeno one last time before settling back into the couch cushions, a pleased look on his face.

“‘Cause of swimming?”

“‘Cause of you! You’re my best friend.”

Jeno flushes pink. “You’re my best friend too, Jaemin.”

Jaemin smiles toothily at him and turns on the TV.

They’re 5 minutes into Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles when Jeno’s brain registers something other than Michelangelo’s orange mask—a steady stream of meows, echoing through the house. 

Jaemin shoots him a questioning look when he suddenly jerks upwards in his seat. 

“Where’s Bongshik?”

Jaemin shrugs, turn back to the screen. “I haven't seen him. I think he’s avoiding me.”

“I have to find him,” Jeno says. He peels himself off of the leather couch with a wince. “Sometimes he drinks from the toilet.” 

“Okay.”

Jeno leaves Jaemin in the living room, the flashing lights of the TV screen casting greens and reds across the walls. With the sun setting outside, his house is much dimmer now than it was when they came back home. He flicks on a light.

“Bongshik?” Jeno calls, poking his head into the bathroom—empty.

He frowns. “Where are you?” 

Jeno’s in the middle of considering his parents’ bedroom when a small movement catches his eye, wandering out of his room. “Bongshik,” he sighs, watching the cat meander its way into the hallway. 

He kneels down to scratch behind the cat’s ears. “What were you doing in my room, silly!” 

Bongshik meows.

“I hope you didn't eat my summer homework.” Realistically, Bongshik would never. The cat had an affinity for salmon, not fractions. 

Jeno clambers back up on his feet, padding towards his bedroom. It wouldn’t hurt to check. 

Pushing the door ajar, he switches on the light and quickly sweeps the room with his eyes—nothing out of place, at least at first glance. Bongshik trails after him, bristling on his ankles.

“I’ll give you pets later, Bongshik,” Jeno says distractedly. He steps further inside.

His backpack is where he left it, sprawled messily on the ground. Jeno huffs and bends down to tidy up a little.

Jeno wasn’t a particularly neat 10 year-old, but at least Jaemin liked things to be clean. This was a habit he picked up from purely being around the other so much. Jeno didn’t mind, since it seemed to make Jaemin happy.

He sets the backpack on his beanbag, giving the room one last cursory glance. All appeared to be fine, despite the ruckus Bongshik made earlier.

“C’mon, Bongshikkie,” he nudges the cat softly. “Let’s go. Play nice with Jaemin, okay?”

Bongshik stays rooted in his spot, his expression unchanging. He could be quite stubborn when he wanted to.

Jeno sticks his tongue out at the cat, who immediately returns with a petulant meow. 

“Fine, suit yourself!”

Somehow, he manages to sidestep his way around the room without a moody Bongshik pawing at his feet. Before he left, Jeno had one last thing to check on.

Seol, of course, was not a  _ thing _ by any stretch of the word. She was treasured, precious, and the sweetest creature Jeno knew. Even Bongshik had his mean streaks sometimes, though only when Jaemin was around.

He wanders closer to the large cage on his dresser, Bongshik trailing after him. 

Seol would be waking up from her sleep very soon. She might’ve even been awake already, if the past 3 weeks of hamster-keeping taught Jeno anything.

(According to a library book Jaemin lent him, hamsters were nocturnal.)

The first thing Jeno notices, nearing the enclosure, is that Seol isn’t in her sleeping spot. 

The shiny grey of her coat isn't hard to spot amongst the woodchips, lying somewhere close to the back of the cage. It was as if she’d gotten up sometime in her sleep and scampered around before falling asleep again. 

Jeno leans in to examine her sleeping figure more closely. She lay in a strange position, sprawled out messily as opposed to the compactness she usually preferred.

Something, Jeno realizes with a sinking feeling, is very wrong.

It’s not just the way she’s lying face-down in the woodchips—where Jeno would expect to see a rise and fall of breathing, there’s absolutely nothing. Seol is so still she may as well be dead.

“Seol?” Jeno whispers. No response. Now in a panic, he reaches to unlatch the door only to find it already open.

He falters. Why was the door unlatched? He was always careful to lock it whenever he had to change her water or food,  _ always. _

“Seol,” Jeno repeats shakily. He strokes her fur, desperately hoping for any reaction.

Nothing.

Tears spring to his eyes. 

The hamster looks even tinier in the center of his palm when he takes her out of the cage as gently as possible. He’s never held her like this—Seol was usually so full of life, scampering here and there even when Jeno handled her.

Now, she moves like dead weight. 

Jeno wants to throw up, but he can’t tear his eyes from her body. Her fur, usually sleek and neat, looks oddly ruffled around her neck. It was like she'd been handled so roughly her body had come

to reflect it—in her fur, in her limpness, in the way her tiny mouth hung ajar.

“Seol,” Jeno says, voice breaking. He hugs her to his chest tightly. “Oh, Seol, what happened to you?”

  
  
  
  
  


His mom tells him later that Bongshik must’ve gotten into the cage when it was open, his feline curiosity getting the better of him. Jeno is too heartbroken and guilty to question it. The last person to have touched Seol’s cage, after all, was him, and he wasn’t sure if he left it unlocked.

They lay Seol to rest in a shoebox in the garden, two steps away from Jeno’s favorite lemon tree. Her funeral is a miserable affair. She’d been in the Lee family for barely a month.

Jeno cries the entire way through, but at least he has Jaemin there to hold his hand.

**Author's Note:**

> this has been a long LONG work in progress and i finally got off my ass to post the first chapter ahhh. if you haven’t figured it out already jaemin is a super weird kid and poor jeno is just here to have fun :/ 
> 
> title is a reference to the film we need to talk about kevin— if you’ve ever seen it, you’ll know the protag kevin does some unspeakably horrible things but i promise you jaemin doesn’t come close to his level of evil so do not fret!! 
> 
> hmu on twt @bingeuls and cc!!


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